Makes Straight Guys Blow Their Horns Spring has finally arrived on the Jersey Shore. The sun and convertibles are shining in town, and it’s enough to convince you that spring is the best season. Yesterday, on my way to the Fed Ex box with the first two autographed copies of Woof!, the entire project came to heart-pounding fruition. I was walking Azuki, my Shiba Inu, on her flexi lead and she was vying for my right lane (when I wanted her on my left). All this while crossing the intersection on Main Street. I noticed stopped at the traffic light a big-ass pure white Lexus, top down, and a great-looking guy behind the wheel, more or less watching me maneuvering the flexi lead and the medium-sized Fed Ex box. Once Azuki and I got to the curb, the guy (did I mention he was good-looking?) shouted at me, “That dog is sexy!” I turned and looked at him. I was knocked over by his shiny silver sunglasses and his chiseled features. I guess I looked a bit incredulous or confused because he shouted even louder at me: “SEXY!” I didn’t say thanks. I didn’t nod. I just turned and walked away. Haven’t I read Woof!? Why should this hot All-American Boy baffle me by admiring my dog? Believe me, Azuki has stopped moving traffic before. As a puppy, she had people falling out on the street. Shiba puppies look like teddy bears, and they grow into elegant, fox-like creatures; and if they’re well bred they exude class and purity that’s unmistakable. In gay terms, they look expensive. If you don’t know what a good-looking Shiba Inu looks like, go to www.akc.org and look it up. It’s been my breed of choice for seventeen years now, but I’m still blown away when people go out of their way to cruise me. [OK, truth be told: The guy may not have been cruising me exactly. I may have left out that there was a fish named Wanda in the passenger seat. But who knows, she could have been a Faghag out for a joy ride.] I wrote Woof! in hopes that gay men would find a breed that they can truly worship. I am a true disciple of the Shiba Inu. It’s the breed that selected me in the early 1990s. I found it in a book (which I happened to be editing). It’s okay if you find your breed in a book first (maybe Woof!) and then pursue the dog in the flesh. Fur. I was enchanted (really, Endora, that’s the best word) by the Shiba’s natural beauty, its bitchy cat-like temperament, and its gorgeous coat. (Some gays love fur. What can I say?) The Shiba’s coat is like a Husky’s, only better. It’s denser and fuller. The breed is perfect in its balance too. It wasn’t designed for anything—so it doesn’t have freakish long legs (like a Whippet) or a pushed-in oversized skull (like a Pug or Bulldog). The Shiba therefore excels at nothing, other than posing and signing up admirers. (How gay is that?) Actually the dog kind of looks like a fox, which is what most idiots ask about. “Is that a fox?” The answer to that question is always the same, “Sure is. I’ve got a coyote and a hyena in the car.” I ask you. Other than some hardcore Manhattaners, who keeps wild animals on leashes? If you can find a breed that makes you happy, what could be better? Other than, as the story goes, a hot guy shouting you down to tell you that your dog is “sexy”! What should I have said to him? Honk if you like my tail? Any suggestions? What should I have said to him? Honk if you like my tail? Any suggestions? |
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