Welcome to Woof!

Grab your little dog and skip down the yellow-brick road to the Land of Woof! Here you’ll meet all the handsome breeds of purebred homosexuals, twenty-eight in all, and you’ll find out which canine companions make the best choices for each gay man. Not every fag can handle the challenges of a prima donna Afghan Hound or a slippery-as-Wet Whippet. Woof! reveals all of the answers to questions readers didn’t know existed.

Why Woof!? What does the title mean?
Only a heterosexual would ask this question. Even so, Woof!, pronounced wwuff, is the precise sound that gay men make when Wentworth Miller takes off his shirt. Some dogs may make this sound too when they’re excited, startled, or turned on.

Can Woof! be understood by straights?
Woof! is not just for gay men and the fag hags who love them. The book is an edutainment for all lovers of dogs, especially those who care about the quality of the dogs they select and the authenticity of the crystals in those same dogs’ collars and berets.

Would anyone find Woof! offensive?
The answer to this question is a resounding #*)@+$* yes! Anyone who listens to Rush Limbaugh (more than once a year), who thinks gays should stay unmarried, who supports PETA, who doesn’t think Madonna’s a genius, or who would consider voting for another Bush in ‘08 might find one or two eensie-teensie remarks potentially offensive in this book (See pages 7 through 208).

Is Woof! for lesbians?
Prior to its release, Woof! was only read by a few close lesbian friends who unanimously found the book highly entertaining and equally offensive. Many comments were deemed not PC in their humorless estimation. Gay men can’t spell P C, while lesbians have turned it into a complicated Olympic sport for bureaucrats and other underachievers. It’s possible that there are still references in the text to lesbians wearing flannel and sweat-proof lipstick.